Sowing in Tears

Four years ago, God began a work in my soul. A work of freedom. A work of release. A work of peace. I’ve been told I have the gift of mercy. It’s the type of gift that can feel as if it is a curse. A gift you would love to return for the gift of administration or hospitality. I have prayed for liberty from its impact on my heart. I have begged for God to take it back, to relieve my soul from the pain. I thought I was praying for freedom. Little did I know I was inviting captivity.
It was midnight. I was sitting on the back deck of the house I called home for a year in Branson, MO; a place I had the honor of loving on broken teenage girls. I was well into an hour of crying tears over Satan’s grip on the heart of one of my girls. She was so captive, so enveloped by hurt and fear. And I…I was overflowing with anger and despair. For the first hour, I begged God for her freedom. I wept over her pain. Then I began to sink into an anger so deep, a despair so real that I felt paralyzed. I then began begging God for my “freedom”…from my pain, my sorrow, my gift of mercy. It was there in those vulnerable moments God began to whisper His truth: Read the rest of this entry »